somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You were trust falling into bushes
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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