HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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