Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
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Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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