It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
