i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
