I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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