Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
