just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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