We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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