Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
