Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
