She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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