Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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