he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
