i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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