wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
