Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
