whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
