He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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