Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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