from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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