May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
