i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
