We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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