3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
