He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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