it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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