That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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