Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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