His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Text me some of your sweat
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
