Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You can't just leave with hair like that
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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