drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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