So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
