Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i already hear my dad disowning me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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