This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is my gift to your gina
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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