the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What a dumb baby whore.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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