i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize