Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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