Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Just high enough for therapy.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
