Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
