I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You are the jesus of drinking
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
