My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
