You're my little dorito
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
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He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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