are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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