I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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