....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
