Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you had me at cake vodka
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
