Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
