my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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