THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
