So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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