Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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