Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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