i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
