You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
