i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Randomize
