I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
