where am i from again
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
