Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
