Are we in a gay sports bar?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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