i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nicole vs. Life
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
there is glitter all over my balls
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
